Making Loss Matter

I have something like $150 in credit at our local used book chain. Since my recent loss, I’ve been recommended a small handful of books, ranging from the helpful to the horrific. The best recommendation, though, came from a misreading of a title (Creative meaning from loss?) and a slightly askew book on a shelf. Making Loss Matter : Creating Meaning in Difficult Times was this book.

By the first page, I was already sniffling. I purchased the book right away, and read it over the course of a few weeks. As I went through the book, it occurred to me that anyone who has experienced a kind of loss could do well with this book. Rabbi Wolpe talks about the losses that everyone experiences. Loss of home, dreams, self, love, faith and life. Sometimes those losses encompass more than one of those things. Certainly, my own did.

Don’t let the fact that this is written by a religious man deter you, whether you consider yourself an atheist or non-Jewish. In fact, as a former Christian, atheist and solid agnostic, I found his views on faith and God unbelievably refreshing, especially compared to some of the previous books I’ve been handed that deal with my more specific kind of loss. In his chapter on Faith, Rabbi Wolpe writes:

The root of many problems of faith is a misunderstanding encourages by religion itself. We are often told that if only we are good, or act a certain way, God will reward us. Then we are struck by the losses of life. We see that there is no power that will save us from loss. Our means of navigating through the difficult times, the certainty of meaning, is snatched from us. If the universe has no guidance, whether we call it God or not, then how can our loss have meaning?

Establishing ourselves in the universe on the basis of quid pro quo cannot be right, however. There must be a better basis for relationship than the simple exchange of goods that some imagine is what being close to God is truly about. Meaning must be based on something deeper than my hope to be helped to success. Love is focused on the other, and on the transformation of the beloved to become worthier.

Rabbi Wolpe uses stories from the Bible, Jewish scholars, his own life and friends, history and literature to illustrate loss and it’s universal nature. These stories illustrate the unavoidable truth of loss, but also the ways those losses can create meaning in our lives and those of others. Personally, the book encouraged my own efforts to accept loss as a part of my life, but also to do something towards finding my own meaning in this cosmos.

I highly recommend this book. I believe it’s especially valuable for those who find themselves grieving, but don’t know what for, or why. This book is easy to approach, with a great deal of humanity and poignancy. I’m grateful to the person who didn’t quite put it back in the right place, for bringing it to my attention.